Clothes Vs. Character

**Originally written on August 27, 2007

"You know, if you don't have the money today, we have a convenient and easy layaway program that will allow you to put cash down now and finish paying later. At least that way you know for sure that no one will be coming in and buying your jeans before you get a chance to. Afterall, you may not have it right now, but you can certainly come up with enough in the next couple of months can't you? And you wouldn't want to be walking down the street sometime next month and see someone else wearing your perfect pair of 27 X 33's would you? That's what I thought, now will you be putting that deposit down with cash or credit?"

Working in retail you learn some really nice recipes for bullshitting the bejesus out of people. Don't get me wrong, just because you're really good at convincing people to buy what you tell them doesn't mean that you have to be untruthful. I personally believe completely in the product that I am selling. It is just my job to make sure that you feel good about your purchase, and with some people doing so is going to require a certain amount of extra persuasive pushing.

"If you're really having that hard of a time making a decision between the two pairs, why not just buy them both? I mean, if you think about it, you are dealing with some really high-quality denim here. Both of these jeans are going to last you for a long time. Much longer than something you'll get at that other place. Really, picking up both pairs today will just save you an extra trip to the mall in the future when your pair from the store across the hall wears out on you. So why don't you go ahead and look for some tops while I take the winning couple pairs to the front counter?"

As a result of this gift of convincing gab being a job requirement of mine, I think that I have developed a sixth-sense of being able to decipher the difference between being sold to and when someone is actually being genuine to me. It is just whether this is a blessing or a curse that I find myself wondering. Sometimes I almost wish that I could just not know when someone is putting on an act with me, because with some things it just seems that ignorance is truly bliss.

"It looks like we don't have your size in the store. What I can do for you though is see if we can special order it for you. This will cost an additional five dollar shipping fee, but we will have it sent straight to your house. It will be almost as if we are hand-delivering it straight to your living room!"

To be more specific, I think that I have become most specialized in knowing when someone is being sincere in their kind gestures towards me and when they are just probably going to talk badly about me the second I turn my back. Well, maybe not necessarily talk behind my back, but at least totally change their tone when they are around someone else. The thing that frustrates me most about all of it I guess is that being a salesman myself, I actually tell people the truth about the product that is being presented to them. Afterall, if they decide they regret their decision, and find themselves waiting in line with their receipts in hand and the word "return" stamped on their forehead, it is I who will be reaping the consequences as the cost of the return will be taken out of my paycheck. The fact of the matter is that telling a woman with a 32 waist that the 29's look good just because it is the last pair and you don't want to lose the sale is not going to do you any good. You may have them fooled long enough for them to give in, and buy into the act, but eventually they will come to see the truth and it is only going to come back to bite you in the butt after a while.

"To be honest with you, I would rather just wait until we get the bigger size in. While you may have been really set on coming in and buying something today, I just think it would pay off in the long run if you didn't jump the gun on this one. What I would like to do for you though, is take down your name and phone number, and when we get something in your size and fit, either myself or one of my teammates will give you a call and maybe you'll have more luck the next time around. Oh and by the way, don't worry if I'm not here next time you come in. Just let someone else that works here know what you're looking for and they will be equally glad to help you as I was."